


Terror in the Night

by timeheist



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms
Genre: mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-09-09
Packaged: 2018-02-16 18:12:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2279709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timeheist/pseuds/timeheist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It isn't the night that he fears. It's the part of himself that lurks in the dark, and he cannot think of a more terrifying monster than one with control over time and space.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Terror in the Night

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Inkfire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inkfire/gifts).



> Written for the [500 Prompt Meme](http://the-redjay.livejournal.com/384133.html) #2. Terror in the night.

Sometimes the Doctor lies awake at night, wondering who he is.

Not who he is, per se. No, no, that would be ridiculous. He's the Doctor. The definitive article, he might once have said. He's had so many brushes with amnesia in the short time since his regeneration that he practically has his name written on the label of all his shirts just in case he forgets. He knows his name, and recognizes his face – recognizes, too, that he needs a haircut – and if he had to, he could recollect a hundred, a thousand different stories about his past so-called adventures.

It's who exactly the Doctor is that he doesn't know. Is he a Time Lord, or a Gallifreyan? In this political day and age, the universe on the eve of war, the two things seem very difficult. He never liked politics much. Is he just a man, or is he the legend that people make him out to be? If he turns out to be the legend then he's not sure he's worthy of it. Something about meeting your heroes and all that; Charley he's sure would have something particularly scathing to say about that line of self-pity.

The problem is that no matter how hard he tries to be the person who he thinks the Doctor is, he fails. Zagreus is always at the back of his mind, living amongst the dead, seeing him in his bed, eating him when he's sleeping. He lies awake at night in sheer terror, in a cold sweat, fearing that one day, he might wake up as a monster. As the man who can kill without remorse (not that he's innocent of murder himself); the man who can hit his companions; the man who wants to take over the world instead of just exploring it. It would be so... easy.

Time and space are his to manipulate. It's the prerogative of the Time Lords, whether he likes it or not. If you're told throughout your childhood that you're better than everybody else, it's a hard mentality to drop. He likes to think he's humble, but more than half his life is spent peacocking for his companions, doing clever things to make himself look good. And it works too well. He could take them anywhere, anytime, show them anything. Stranger danger doesn't even register when the stranger looks so much like a friend. 

And he fears himself because his companions do not. When the lights go out and he can't stand in the light, turn his good side to people. Can't see clearly the façade he has worked so hard to build around his true self. In the light, he is not unattractive, as though somehow a pretty face cannot lead to ugly deeds. They trust him, trust the Doctor, trust that he will always be there to catch them, that if he does something wrong, he's not himself and the Doctor will be back soon. They put themselves in so much danger for him. He is so scared for their safety and he can't even protect them from himself.

And so he lies awake at night, fearing the Doctor. Fearing himself. Because no one else will.


End file.
